As I live my life there are many times when I don’t see my true self. We’ve all done it, by focusing too intensely on this project at work or what’s going on in our lives we lose focus. The drive towards what we think we should be, the fictionalized ideal we blind ourselves to true happiness. When we fail to meet the unrealistic idea of what we should be there’s either the path of readjusting this image to be more aligned with reality or the path of self-loathing and destruction. I feel like I’ve walked the path of passive suicide long enough. One can choose to either let themselves spiral deeper down the destructive path, slowly dying until there is nothing left or to stop the cycle and embrace the stillness of the moment. When you take the time to silence the mind you can allow what you have been seeking to find you. People think they know what will make them happy. Maybe they think it’s a big house, or a job or fame. Once one attains this there is often still emptiness, a hunger that can’t be filled. This hunger eventually leads to misery as one discovers that the possessions don’t bring fulfillment. The logical self that I am has never allowed me to believe in anything non-quantifiable such as a higher being influencing our destiny. Not to say that this doesn’t exist but it is a path that I can’t truly follow. Thus for a time I followed the path of nihilism. The lack of belief isn’t true emptiness but more of a replacement of self and ego above all else. Ultimately, I have found that this lead to misery as can never attain the ideal image of self. By following the path of selfishness we attempt to find fulfillment by becoming attached to more and more “stuff”. We view the world through a skewed perception of what is real. We try to hold on tighter to things but this is actually counter-productive. I’ve spent the past eight months deconstructing myself, finding out who I’ve been and why I’ve been this person. Western psychotherapy has been helpful in this regard, in helping me identify what makes my personality tick. It has also opened my eyes as to why other people behave the way they do. This has been helpful in preventing myself from falling into the everyday traps that people put out there in conversation. I can see behaviors in others and realize their motivations and keep myself from feeling trapped or feeding their compulsions. However, just outlining the problems in myself hasn’t helped with coming to overcoming them. I’ve stepped out of some patterns but addressing the deeper flaws in the subconscious has eluded me. It wasn’t until I stopped the world around me and took time to embrace the stillness that answers came to me. Instead of grasping for them I had to let go to see what I have been looking for. I know this seems vague but it is difficult to put into words. Instead of seeking and waiting for answers I had to become an empty cup. By embracing the stillness I was able to see the inner self. The subtle truths of the world revealed themselves.